The Journey Begins

"I am invincible. Nothing bad can happen to me. I'm 21 and my life is perfect."

These thoughts constantly inhabited my mind when I was a 21 year old college junior. I had it all. The perfect family and a boyfriend that would soon be my husband. My perfect reality ended on May 24, 2015 at approximately 4:30 pm. Life as I knew it would never be the same, and it would not get any easier. 

I lost the man of my dreams. My best friend. My other half. The man I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would spend the rest of my life with. I lost him in the blink of an eye. I was 21 years old. 

The hurt, pain, trials, tears. And through it all I had my mom. 

My mom and I have one of the closest relationships that I have ever seen a mother and daughter have. Our relationship is so strong because she is and always has been my mother first and my friend second. I can share every part of my life with my mother, and I do so willingly. 

At the time of my boyfriend's passing, my mom was one of the few people that was there from me from the beginning. My mom took extended leave from work, chauffeured me to and from classes, prayed over me and for me constantly. If it was not for my mom, and a select few more people, I can honestly say I would not have survived the last year and a half of my life. 

Now it's my turn to be that rock, or one rock from a select few, to be there for my mom. 

On October 5, 2016, my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I am now 22 years old. 

If there is anything the last year and a half of my life has taught me, it is that without faith and a relationship with Jesus Christ, I and my family would not have been able to endure the hardships that we have and will continue to face together. 

We are a God fearing family that believes that God has a plan for each of our lives. A plan for a hope and a future. A plan intended good and not for harm (Jeremiah 29:11).

That last part is a hard pill to swallow. "A plan for good and not for harm." That may be hard to believe when the word CANCER is thrown into your face out of the blue. 

As I sit here in a dark hospital room at UAB hospital watching my mother sleep, I keep hearing certain sayings in my head. The most common being, "God will never give you more than you can handle."

I have heard in several sermons recently that this saying is completely false and I never realized it until now. God can definitely give you more than you can handle, and this my fellow believers is the point of it all. 

"Come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28).

"When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I." (Psalm 61:2). 

"Greater is he living inside of me than he who is in the world." (1 John 4:4).

Without Christ I am NOTHING. With Christ I can do all things for my strength comes from Him (Philippians 4:13). 

Has the last year and a half of life been a beautiful, perfect ride because I am a follower of Christ? No. Has the last year and a half of my life been made possible despite the circumstances because I have Christ to fall on when everything else is chaos? Absolutely.  

Christ is the Alpha and Omega. The beginning and the end. God sees the whole picture when I can't see a day in front of me. 

Trials are when the rubber meets the road. And I am ready to take it on, because I have the best driver ahead of me. I have praised Him in a storm before, and I will praise Him in the storm now. 

"Trust in the Lord with all of your Heart and do not depend on your own understanding." (Proverbs 3:5-6).